How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
