Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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