jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
