I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
