oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
