you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
