Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
