I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
