Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
