dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
