I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's like heaven, but drunker
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
