apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i out mim tonsoeep
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