You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
