Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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