First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
