is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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