You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
