I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
