Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
