i just made my gag reflex go away.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
