I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
