i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
