Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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