apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
