i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
