areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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