oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
