You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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