i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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