Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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