Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
