Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
