FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
