Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
