omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
