I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
