I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
