I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
