I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
