clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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