There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
