Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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