Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
