So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
