I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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