what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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