Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
