There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
