my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
