He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
