I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
