goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
