so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
