you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
