did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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