I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
