I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
