You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
